Too many years of trauma she’d experienced at the hands of a monster, there really could be no other way to describe him.
In conversations she spoke in couched terms, carefully controlling her emotions and keeping herself in check; retelling the story she’d rehearsed so many times.
She’d numbed to the myriad of emotions it could stir; sadness was the maladaptive mask to a seething anger that ducked and weaved, endeavouring to hide. We’d known each other for just over two and a half years, chatting often but had not met in person.
I’d heard pain, struggle, challenge, despair, vulnerability, and courage in her voice many times but it’s funny how the energetic body REALLY picks up a plethora of information when you meet someone in shared space.
In the ‘sacred space’ that’s created between Transpersonal Counsellor/Healer and client, there is an understood agreement that each will hold the other to their highest authenticity.
In bearing witness to the pain, suffering and story, there is a sacred contract made that the path we walk together is about releasing that which holds us back in order to fly.
In each moment, as a limitation of the small self is acknowledged, we take a step closer to the Authentic Self; the real and powerful self where our unlimited potential and new possibilities patiently await our discovery of them.
When one opens the door, creates that Space and then calls in Spirit as well, there’s a palpable energy that flows and the divine intelligence within the body just takes over, creating miraculous shifts.
I was intrigued by the fact that Freya, for that is what I will call her, did not want to talk beforehand.
Perhaps she was all talked out, perhaps she didn’t think it would shift anything, perhaps her body recognized that answers were trapped within her body and she needed to access them.
Whichever one it was, she strode in and made her way straight into the healing room with a sense of purpose and directness. She laid down and immediately surrendered.
I didn’t need to slowly take her into an altered state, she was there almost instantly, as though her body had been awaiting this opportunity to shed the illusions which kept her trapped and she was releasing all she could.
I felt pain instantly within my head and as I shared this, she began talking about one of the more brutal times he’d hit her.
My body acts like a barometer of my clients during healing and I often receive a synchronistic experience of what is occurring for them. I’ve learnt to divide my awareness between my body and its signals and theirs in the process.
Often my clients follow this lead and are able to divide their awareness too. This Ego strength, is crucial to healing, for it means that the client can learn to become the witness of their process and also their Ego’s games afterwards, rather than cycling the story.
Detachment, without disengaging is a powerful key to changing the Soul Blueprint of one’s life.
I felt my throat close as she began to cry and shared this observation. Between sobs, she shared the memory that had already arisen in her awareness of being choked and feeling herself ‘fighting for her life’.
As we deepened the awareness of feelings within her body, Freja began describing the terror of being isolated and beaten, of wondering if she’d survive, of being simultaneously belittled and verbally abused and the presence of a massive fog that left her feeling confused.
Shame, humiliation, degradation, fear, terror, uncertainty, all rose and cleared in that space.
She described in detail, and felt within her own body the physical and emotional pain and suffering she had endured, as it began releasing. It was beyond anything any living Soul should ever have to experience.
She sobbed throughout the entire process, deep in the state change of allowing her body to clear old memories and deep wounds and I quietly reassured her that she was doing well and was perfectly safe now; I was beside her and would stay with her, making sure she was safe.
Each time the sensations within her body moved and we began accessing them, the divine intelligence within her completely took over.
Her Higher Awareness knew exactly what she’d held onto and exactly what she needed to access and release; despite being very challenging and requiring enormous courage, it flowed with a grace and beauty that was astounding.
The body’s wisdom and capacity to know exactly what it needs is SUCH a profound Miracle to witness.
Freja was determined to remove as much as she could, she verbalized that she’d waited a long time for someone to hold space for her like this and she was going to let go of as much as she could.
I had never witnessed the level of determination with which she spoke at this point and I knew we had truly accessed her Authentic Self. The empowered voice of the Soul was so different to the smaller voice of the socialized self that I had witnessed previously.
Her entire being knew she was on the cusp of a breakthrough and she was NOT letting it slide!
There is always a gift in clearing and creating space. Nature abhors a vacuum, so when we make space, we allow the new and fresh and vibrant to rush in. Freja had one more challenge to face.
In the process of the trauma and abuse, Freja had lost a child and this was a hurt that tore her to the depths of her Soul. She blamed herself and felt enormous guilt at the child’s passing; she knew intuitively it was a girl.
My inspiringly brave client, actually works as a Medium and so her process was quite different from that of mainstream clients. As the pain and struggle left, and the last cord of challenge with the abusive ex was cut, the child was able to be present and begin the crucial healing process.
In her Mind’s eye, she saw the child place her little hands over her heart to repair a heart hole, and it was overwhelmingly beautiful ~ a transgenerational healing beyond time and space! Rather than being the source for suffering and continuing the abusive implants, her child became a resource for healing and altering the Blueprint of Freja’s Soul.
Freja still has work to do, she is continuing to build relationships with Trust. She is learning to re-parent herself in ways that were denied to her. She is learning to develop her Ego strength and communicate with herself in ways that are life affirming.
She is learning to build a solid relationship with herself that will allow her to build stronger Community with others.
She no longer focuses on the loss of her child but rather on having found the child that she wants to communicate beyond the veil with and being given a purpose for embracing and allowing that gift. Life’s sweetness has opened exponentially for her.
Soul Healing is deep, deep work! Shaman’s of old referred to our altered states of being as ‘Non-Ordinary Reality’ and said that it was more powerful and real than our everyday waking existence.
The reason for this is it allows us to access our subconscious, which in turn houses our hopes, fears, greatest struggles, illusions and simultaneously the highest potentials that we have so often buried far too deeply.
Freja’s healing, and awakening of her Authentic Self, is a chance for her to readjust the lens of the Blueprint of her Soul and create a reality that is altogether different and more empowering than the one she was currently living.
Her closing words to me, upon sharing my writing, sum it ALL up: “Sometimes what we perceive is the wrong choice, is actually the choice that gifts us life and freedom.” The Soul knows a wisdom far beyond our limited perception; and so it is.
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Karnie Kamala – Transpersonal Counsellor & Crystal Healer
