Grieving is something we all do throughout our lives: grieving the loss of our health, our loved ones, animals, jobs, chances, relationships, expectations not fulfilled.
Mostly, we do it in a by-the-way-style (maybe half-consciously, but usually subconsciously), as today’s society asks many things of us and grieving is not one of those things. We are under constant pressure to function at work, at home, in relationships, in health.
What happens when we lose any of these functions? Does society offer us any means of support? Are we held by a loving structure around us or are we feeling all alone, left to deal with the grief without any help? How do we start grieving with an open heart?
I believe it is, at all times, good to be aware of where we stand on our path; and now is always a good time to stop and look around, taking a conscious inventory of how we are, what we feel, what our surroundings are like, what our support network looks like and especially the amount of love we feel each and every day.
Making this inventory a regular practice can help us stand strong when grief hits us, in fact, let’s integrate grief consciously into our personal portfolio of everyday emotions and feelings.
What exactly is grief for you? How is it connected to your core ‘factors’ of love and fear? What is your relationship with grief, can you feel it, express it, voice it and deal with it? When did grief first walk into your life and how did you cope? Are you avoiding grieving?
Your life has taught you many valuable lessons, and when grief comes knocking on your door, your own experiences are wonderful tools that can be of great help when you choose to activate them.
The DEATH (Deep Experience Activating The Heart) of my soulman two years ago in April offered me a chance to consciously open my inner toolbox and activate each and every tool I have ever learned, so I could greet grief with an open heart.
Since then, grief is my companion, we meet often and I dare say grief is a really good teacher in my life.
My main tools are love and gratitude, and I have no exclusive rights on them, so please check your inner toolbox and invite these two to walk with you every moment of every day, no matter if you are actively grieving or ‘just’ living your life.
Finding gratitude in dark moments can be the magic spell that lifts us out of feeling depressed, sad and fearful. The tiniest flower can trigger gratitude in me, a hug, the thought of having a roof over my head and hot water for my shower.
When we manage to weave love and gratitude together, we can keep our heart open and breathe light into any situation, even if it is just for a moment. How can you get into a state of love right now? Take a moment, close your eyes, and feel the love that is in you.
Another important detail to remember when facing a life challenge: we are responsible for our own life and for the choices we make. It might not be easy to keep this awareness active when we are faced with grief of any kind, yet it is vital that we do remember.
It is very tempting to hand our responsibility (and our power) over to the circumstances, or to anyone outside of ourselves. But what does this blame game do? Does it help us being grounded in love?
Does it aid us in coping with our grief? Or does it feel stale and unproductive, keeping our focus away from ourselves and from the solutions we want to find? We can always make a different choice, about everything.
Once we realize we are focused outside of our responsibility for SELF, we can make a different choice and come back to our core.
Choice, responsibility for self and love are so closely connected; yet we do tend to separate these ‘issues’ as we have been conditioned to live in a state of separation.
What have we found in our inner toolbox so far? Love, Gratitude, Conscious Awareness, Breathing, Choice, Responsibility for Self and Gentleness.
John O’Donohue has said it perfectly: ‘Be excessively gentle with yourself’. When we can take a deep breath and apply any of these tools, magic happens: the magic of connection to our core, to our heart and soul.
We amp up our shine immediately, and our whole system reacts in the most positive way. What is so positive about grief you might ask? Well, from my own experience, I can say that active grieving keeps me healthy, relaxed, rested, connected and happy.
If and when I avoid or ignore the waves of grief coming towards me, I feel depressed, down, angry, separated. Grief can be a very theoretic concept, and it can also be a very lively and warm experience.
It is about loss, yes, and it is also so very enriching to grieve with an open heart. When we allow the possibility of grief actually being a helper in our lives, we are healing already. We grieve most what we love most, so when we grieve, we also activate the love for what or who we have lost. Everything is intertwined, and the essence of it all is still love.
Today, I encourage you to embrace your grief with all your love, rather than avoiding it. And please be excessively gentle with yourself while you grieve. Grief matters. Love matters. Soul matters. YOU matter. Sending you hugs from my heart to yours.
‘The patient of tomorrow must understand that he, and he alone, can bring himself relief from suffering, though he may obtain advice and help from an elder brother who will assist him in his effort’. – Dr, Edward Bach, 1931
Song: ‘I Grieve’ by Peter Gabriel ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬
It was only one hour ago
It was all so different then
Nothing yet has really sunk in
Looks like it always did
This flesh and bone
Is just the way that we are tied in
But there’s no one home
I grieve, for you
You leave, me
So hard to move on
Still loving what’s gone
They say life carries on
Carries on and on and on and on
The news that truly shocks
Is the empty, empty page
While the final rattle rocks
It’s empty, empty cage
And I can’t handle this
I grieve, for you
You leave, me
Let it out and move on
Missing what’s gone
They say life carries on
They say life carries on and on and on
Life carries on in the people I meet
In everyone that’s out on the street
In all the dogs and cats
In the flies and rats
In the rot and the rust
In the ashes and the dust
Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
Just the car that we ride in
The home we reside in
The face that we hide in
The way we are tied in
As life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
Did I dream this belief?
Or did I believe this dream?
Now I will find relief
I grieve
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Barbara Patterson – Conscious Awareness Teacher
