What I learned in my first year of grieving, I want to share my story of dealing with grief with you… In April 2014, my soulman made his transition to the other side of the rainbow very suddenly and unexpectedly.
When the news came to me (as he was away on a business trip at the time), I had only clear moments. One of the first things I said was, ‘it really is time to live my soul truth now’.
My soul truth was and is that there truly is no separation, unless we THINK and BELIEVE there is. So I made a few choices right away:
I chose LOVE over fear
I chose to have a DEEP EXPERIENCE over loss, tragedy and suffering
I chose CLARITY over shock and confusion
I chose GRATITUDE over devastation
I chose PEACE over stress
Dealing With Grief Is Not Easy But Possible!
Looking back now, making these choices came to me easily, as it feels like I had trained for this moment for over 20 years.
Being with my soulman in this physical life for fourteen years was also training, as he recently asked me (from where he is now) ‘how much more training do you want?’
Although I’m not quite sure what all this training is for (and believe me, my strong mind would LOVE to understand it all!), I go with the flow of every moment, and I keep my heart wide open to hear my soulman’s messages and my inner guidance (which might actually be one and the same…).
Over the past twelve months, I have learned a lot of great things about myself, and I am still astounded at rediscovering my own strength, stamina and my ability to love, no matter what.
I have learned to deeply treasure my belief, and I have also recognized how important it is to have SOMETHING to believe in.
May it be religion, spirituality, philosophy or the colour blue – when we truly believe in something, it will add to our core strength of standing strong in any and all situations in life.
Grief comes in all colours of the rainbow, and it can knock us off our feet, for a few moments or for a long time.
It is up to us how we cope, and we can make the conscious choice of integrating this huge experience into our life rather than pushing it away, avoiding or ignoring it.
Finding our feet in such a deep sea of emotions, actions and triggers can be an ordeal, and it can also be a gift. We choose. One of the gifts I discovered is this:
DEATH = Deep Experience Activating The Heart
Every day, I find gifts and blessings on my path, and from day one of this ‘new’ situation, my biggest treasure is this very clear communication and the connection I have with my soulman. He is right here, in my heart, guiding me, closer than ever before.
Hollywood Moments
Another choice I made was to share my experience with my soul family on facebook, as well as with my physical family and soul family. My facebook community already had a special place in my heart before my soulman died, and ever since April 15th 2014 that special place is one of my most beautiful love spaces in this world.
The outpouring of love and support from ‘complete strangers’ was positively overwhelming, as my kids and I were flooded daily with loving thoughts, prayers and blessings. The virtual connections got so much stronger as so many people gave their love to us, and they still do.
We received virtual love 24/7 for weeks and months.This is part of what I call my Hollywood moments, as it came totally unexpected , and it carried us through this emotional storm.
In addition, we received so much love in the physical world in many different forms, from family, soul family and again, total strangers. There were miracles every day, small and big, everything we needed appeared out of thin air, magically!
At first when I was voicing all this, I began with ‘This is unbelievable’, until I realized my wording as it WAS happening to us (and still is!), so I changed my language and stated ‘Hollywood! This is like being in a Hollywood movie, and a good one’.
As I am moving into my second year of being with grief, I can look back on a year full of growth.What I have learned is that tuning into my Self for guidance, support and love is the greatest gift I can give myself.
Sharing my path with my soul family so openly provides me with much appreciated extra love, which helps me through the low moments. Living my soul truth gives me the strength to face the challenges on my path with an open heart.
The process of grief continues, a valuable part of my life experience. I am sure I will shift and change over the years, with grief by my side – and that’s ok. My motto on this earth walk is…. SOUL MATTERS – so I will continue to listen to my soul.
If you would like to read part two of Barbara’s article read here.
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Barbara Patterson – Conscious Awareness Teacher
